Korea blog: new comer's melancholy

This photo was taken from the 21st floor of an officetel where I've been squatting for the past week. The teacher whose classes I have been covering will return tomorrow, and my apartment won't be ready until tuesday so I had to go and book a room in another "love" motel for tomorrow. That was a chilling experience. I tried the Lotte Hotel which is a huge luxury deal in the center of downtown. Rates ranged from 350$ USD for the "superior" room, to 7200$ USD for the presidential suite. So, I moved on...

I tried a motel around the corner and walked into a creepy foyer with a cinema style wicket that was all blacked out. A woman removed a block of wood that was covering the half circle ticket/money exchange portal along the counter and asked what I wanted. Using my sublime grasp of Korean, I asked her "tomorrow, reservation, one room, possible?". I then made the mistake of hunching over to offer a weak smile. "Jigum optseo" she said and replaced the block. I guess they were booked up...or they rent by the hour. I ended up getting something next door in a more "family" oriented establishment for 40$.

On to the melancholy...

I think that word implies a sadness without name, a deeper confusion of bad feelings unaccounted for. It always feels better when the doctor tells you what causes the symptoms, even though they don't abate. Just the knowledge, the knowing gives some kind of control.

I have been feeling that way, I am guessing it is because I have no home yet and haven't had a chance to settle. I am also temping at a school too and have felt generally excluded. I know short termers aren't worth the effort and people are busy, but what upsets me the most is that on deeper reflection, I recall the many times I was on the other side and avoided engagement because of shyness or discomfort with new people. Lessons learned...I start at a new location on Tuesday and will try to be more understanding.

It runs much deeper than that though, I felt so happy to have a furnished apartment, car, and class schedule waiting for me in London when I return in september. To not have to reduce my life to 46kg and a carry on and put the rest in storage was such a joy. I think that was the preparatory phase and now that I have been here for a week I have this chunk of malaise that sits inside of me all the time.

Don't misunderstand me, I have had an awesome week. I've reconnected with great friends, been to parties and watched a lot live music. I've even played with old bandmates. There is no isolation or loneliness. The job is great, better than I remember it to have been. There is nothing like being in the middle of a sea of shouting elementary school children and holding their rapt attention (for 20 seconds!). I have no anxieties about work. I remember all of my Korean and have navigated my way through daily life with ease (although it did take 3 cold showers before I remembered that you have to turn the hot water on in this country).

Maybe it is the absence of anxiety and stress, and the absence of any need to connect, engage or settle down for the duration. I hoped I would have made a better nomad.

This is a long post...