July 16th, 2007

I've been home from South Korea for 7 weeks now. During this time I have done much and very little at the same time. I heard that any big life decision can be broken down into a series of smaller and easily envisioned choices that all lead towards a larger goal. At this point I feel as if the series of smaller choices I have made over the past couple of months are leading me only into a larger and less easily perceived series of moves. Like a chess player whose every victory allows him to make but one move on a much larger board.

Since I've been home, I've decided to go back to undergrad and work my GPA up to something that'll not make noses wrinkle up. I registered as a full time student. I also bought a car, got an apartment settled into which I'll move in a few weeks. in between these moves, I've done a lot of smaller things such as buying furniture and supplies, moving around old stuff in storage, re-packing dishes, borrowing a roof rack from my dad, buying bungee chords and taking the chicken salad over the egg.

It's all closely tied together.

Where is this all going? This question both exhilarates and terrifies me. From a broader perspective, I can see that I have set myself to live in London and go to school for at least the next 2 - ? years. What am I going to do in school? I doing the coursework to get into Teacher's College and to get into graduate program with the philosophy department. One direction will lead me back into a teaching career here in Ontario, the other will be a longer road to possible post graduate work and then...

I like those "and then..."s

There is something about going after a Phd that is intoxicating to me, it is the pinnacle of our education system and the farthest one can go in terms of knowledge acquisition in an institutionalized sense. I imagine upon achieving this chalice, I will face an even greater chess board, full of freedom and endless moves to be made in the pursuit of knowledge.

Anyway, back from the deep end. Teacher's college is also very appealing to. Teaching is what I do, it is not a matter of how well I do it or whether I like it or not. It is just something I have done for long enough that it is a part of me.

"Ends" and "means"; these words are beginning to sink into unintelligible ambiguity. There is not "end", using these "means" to get yourself somewhere? Isn't that "somewhere", that "end", just another means to something else. Aren't the two intrinsically the same?

You have time climb the mountain to get to the top

Isn't the mountain a means to itself here?

Maybe I had better get the egg salad next time.